Purpose: Chicken and Bagels
by ice0apparition
Summary: my and my best friend run into an array of anime characters, and get into an array of horridly stupid situations while trying to find Spike Spiegal who is being held captive by Sessomaru
1. Sighting Pocky

I am jenny, and Emmy, and this is a rip off of "Furcadia's Fault" a fanfiction written by my cousin, Emmy. It is hilarious.  
  
I do not own the matrix or any of the caracters, pocky, or SARS.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Sighting Pocky  
  
Me and Emmy are walking down the busy streets of Tokyo.  
  
J- oykot, kotyo, tyoko  
  
e- what are you doing?  
  
j- making words out of the word "Tokyo"  
  
e- they aren't words, jenny  
  
j- yes they are. How many times can you say word in one word?  
  
e-no they aren't words  
  
j- ye  
  
jenny is cut of by emmy's screeching as they walk by a Japanese food mart.  
  
e- POOCCCKKKY!!! P P P P! POCKY  
  
Emmy sprints up to the glass display window, staring at a sign in the window that says, "Pocky". The window fogs as she drools.  
  
Jenny looks at the thing with the store name on it.  
  
j- hmm. Japanafoodmart. Creative.  
  
Emmy's eyes begin to swell with tears.  
  
J-do they have raisins?  
  
e- C'MON JENNY!!! THEY HAVE POCKY!!!!!!!!!  
  
j- they also have SARS  
  
e- GIVE ME THE INFECTION!!!  
  
Emmy cackles at the store's double doors while jenny heads in. emmy follows. 


	2. Japanafoodmart

I am emmy, and jenny still.  
  
I do not own the inuyasha, any of the characters, Hello Kitty Gummies, James bond music,  
  
Chapter 2 Japanafoodmart  
  
Jenny and Emmy stroll through the aisles, staring at every food in them. Emmy points to a tin can of Hello Kitty Gummies with Japanese writing on it.  
  
e- ohhhh lookie jenny! I can write like this!  
  
j- yeah? I can talk like this. I mean talk Japanese.  
  
e- your just being mean cause they don't have your raisins.  
  
Jenny glares at Emmy  
  
j- don't you be dissin my home D-O double g raisins biatch.  
  
e- fo shizzle.  
  
j- fo rizzle?  
  
e- for tizzle.  
  
j- allrizzle.  
  
Emmy nods, as If she understands that conversation, and sits down in the middle of the aisle with the tin can of Hello Kitty gummies.  
  
j- I will find my raisins.  
  
Jenny makes finger guns and James Bond music plays. She jumps from side to side, making her way to the dried fruit section.  
  
e- jennahy?  
  
She can hear the James bond music from the distant aisles. Emmy fumbles with the gummies. Then, she hears jenny scream. From the dried fruit section. Emmy puts on her serious face.  
  
e- something happened. Someone is here.  
  
The screaming continues.  
  
e- goddammit jenny! Shut up!  
  
Emmy stalks off to the dried fruit section, with her gummies, following her dog like instincts. Emmy finds jenny screaming in the raisins aisle, clutching to a cursing adolescent in a read haori. They weren't screams of scardiness, but jenny was crying. And it looked as if she was trying to bite him. Emmy stands at the end of the aisle, eating the gummies.  
  
e- wow! It's like esp or something!  
  
Jenny continued to hold on to the red dressed man. Emmy could finally make out what she was saying.  
  
j-GIFFFF MEHH DAHHH RAYSIIINNS!  
  
She said it quite menacingly too.  
  
e- extra special powers or something  
  
Inuyasha was now physically restraining jenny, obviously pissed.  
  
i- are you her friend???  
  
e- uhhh. Heh heh. I don't have a choice.  
  
i- Shut her up! My ears are hurting!!!  
  
e- erm. Okay.  
  
Emmy thought, shrugged, and then sprinted toward the pocky. She tore open a case and brought back to Inuyasha and jenny.  
  
i-pocky? What the hell is pocky gonna do?  
  
e- pocky knocks her out. I mean calms her down!!!!  
  
A faint tint of read was in jenny's eyes as emmy crammed the pocky into her mouth.  
  
e- what a waste of pocky!  
  
Jenny immediately fell to the ground with a thud.  
  
e- ooops!  
  
i-GOD! What is wrong with her!  
  
e- heh, consider that when she gets angry, she becomes, DIABLO JENNY!!!  
  
Then she noticed the mess of raisins all over the floor.  
  
e- GASP you took her raisins!  
  
i-TOOK?! There are a million boxes of them here!  
  
Kagome, Miroku, Sango, and shippo then walked into the raisin aisle.  
  
k- we heard quite a commotion over here!  
  
i-I was brutally attacked!  
  
e- he was hit with a raisin.  
  
Miroku looked at the unconscious twitching Jenny on the floor. m- is she okay!  
  
e-OH don't worry about her. This is Jenny, I emmy!  
  
They all introduced themselves. 


	3. Lights Out

Same ol same ol  
  
I don't own the inuyasha  
  
Chapter 3 Lights out  
  
Everyone stayed around for a little while, keeping an eye on jenny. Emmy and shippo threw raisins at Inuyasha when he wasn't looking, and Kagome was shopping for ramen. Miroku was meditating, with Sango. ::wink::  
  
Jenny sat upright, twitching uncontrollably. Her eyes were half open, and she was swaying dangerously.  
  
j- I want thirsty.  
  
Everyone's except emmy was confused.  
  
e- pocky makes her confused, that is why she only gets it when she is upset.  
  
Jenny began shooting menacing looks at sango. Emmy threw more pocky at jenny.  
  
Then, all the store lights went out, and jenny snapped back.  
  
e- crap! We're stuck in a second rate Japanafoodmart with uh. People.  
  
Inuyasha jumped up, grabbed his tetsiega, ready for battle.  
  
j- woho! Are we afraid of the dark, puppy ?  
  
Inuyasha snarled at emmy.  
  
k- calm down Inuyasha!  
  
i-why do we have to hang around with them???  
  
k- because we are.  
  
Kagome turned her nose up at inuyasha.  
  
S- where is your friend!?  
  
e- oh. She must have, wandered off. DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!!!  
  
Then a green light appeared above shippo, abducting him and making him disappear into the ceiling. Kagome burst into tears. Inuyasha was mentally rejoicing. Miroku prayed for shippo. Emmy started to laugh.  
  
i-he is just a fox!! Don't cry!  
  
Kagome started to scream at Inuyasha, Sango's head began to spin around, and Miroku was acting like a cat, walking on top of the shelves.  
  
Emmy- sweat drop. I am going to find jenny. Ugh.  
  
Emmy left the raisins aisle, which proved to be quite hard, being as it was pitch black. She kept running into walls. She heard sobs, a crash, and cursing coming from the raisins aisle. Then Emmy ran into a shelf of margarita mix.  
  
e- I forgot my gummies. Dimmit. And I never did get my pocky. Fudge 


	4. Morefeeus

Hello,  
  
I don't own inuyasha or any of the characters, lion king soundtrack, the matrix or any of the characters, or coke  
  
Chapter 4 Morfiuhs  
  
Jenny strolled along the dark aisles unconsciously. She too, kept tripping over things.  
  
j- (singing) I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts .there they are standing in a row big ones small ones some as big as your head.  
  
She passed by the poultry aisle when someone called her.  
  
Voice- YOU!!!!  
  
j- (still singing) that's wut the show man said. now that i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts everybody knows they'll make me rich  
  
jenny kept on walking.  
  
Voice- YYYYOOOOOOUUU!  
  
Jenny heard the voice this time and backed up a couple of rows, knocking over a coke display.  
  
She stared at a man in black.  
  
j- say the magic word.  
  
man- excuse me?  
  
j- say it!  
  
The man twitched.  
  
Man- FINE! Coconuts. j- what? I couldn't hear you!  
  
Jenny smirked evilly.  
  
Man- COOCOONNNUTTTSSS!  
  
j- ahhhh. Okay, what?  
  
Jenny walked over the man.  
  
Man- I am Morephius.  
  
Jenny blinked.  
  
m- you and your friend are the one. You must save all of mankind from the machines.  
  
j- woooahhh. I thought we were two!  
  
Jenny giggled.  
  
j- OH OH OH ! Let me guess! You are from the real word, and and and I am in the matrix!  
  
Morephius stuttered.  
  
m- here is your mission. 


	5. Destiny Lies in Poultry and Pastries

Hey kids.  
  
I don't own morpheus neo trinity or the matrix, or coke  
  
Chapter 5 Chicken and Bagels  
  
Emmy was getting quite flustered that she was unsuccessful in her search for jenny, and that she couldn't see a damn thing.  
  
Then she heard a man scream "Coconuts"  
  
e- found her.  
  
She followed her nose, which led her to jenny, which was listening to a man in black.  
  
e- jennahy?  
  
j- emmahy?  
  
m- ah. I have been waiting for you to arrive.  
  
Morpheus pointed to emmy.  
  
Emmy walked over and stood next to jenny. Jenny leaned over and whispered,  
  
j- he's from the matrix! But don't get on his bad side; he's a bit touchy.  
  
e- I LOVE DRINKING THOSE!!!  
  
A wide smile spread across emmy's face.  
  
j- drinking what???  
  
e- MATRIXES!!!!!!  
  
Morpheus looked at them questioningly.  
  
J- sweat drop.  
  
e- WHHHATTT?  
  
m- anyways, here is your mission,  
  
he was cut off by emmy.  
  
e- why do you where a dress?  
  
m- IT ISNT A DRESS, IT IS A TRENCHCOAT.  
  
Morpheus straitened out his "trench coat" and stood up tall.  
  
e- trenchcoat, okay. COUGH dress COUGH  
  
j- wow! Look at your spec-ti-cals!!! They like, don't have any of those things that like, um, put them on your ears!  
  
m- sweat drop.  
  
e- ooooo! They are like mirrors!  
  
Jenny and emmy try to look into them.  
  
e- you and your friends are flexible!  
  
j- yeah I know, they are like  
  
jenny start to imitate morepheus, trinity, and neo.  
  
j- how do you guys fight so, secronized?  
  
e- why is your friend named after a river?  
  
j- yeah, and neo is like neon!!!  
  
e- NEO HAS SEXY BLACK PANTS!  
  
Crickets chirp.  
  
m- shut up! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!  
  
Jenny leaned over to Emmy and whispered,  
  
j- told you!  
  
m- SHUTTT UPPPP!!!  
  
e- yes benedict morpheus!!!  
  
Emmy and jenny saluted. Morpheus grabbed a chicken (raw and frozen) from the place where they have those things.  
  
m- this is a chicken  
  
e and j- blink.  
  
In morpheus' other hand, appeared a bagel.  
  
m- this is a bagel.  
  
Emmy cocks her head and jenny shivers.  
  
m- they both have things in common, and they both have differences. They both depend on each other, neither can survive without the other. Chicken and Bagels have the plan to save the world, they spoke to me.  
  
Morpheus eyes the bagel and chicken.  
  
m- they also have the power to destroy each other, but they live in complete harmony. Emmy, try the chicken.  
  
e- it is, raw, and frozen you stooge!!!  
  
m- try it.  
  
e- no!  
  
m- try it!!!  
  
e- no goddammit!!!  
  
Emmy began to twitch.  
  
m- okay, fine, that proves my point. The chicken is not good without the bagel. They both have a purpose.  
  
j- THAT IS NOT A POINT!!! THE CHICKEN MUST BE COOKED TO BE GOOD! NOT, BAGELD!!! THE ONLY PURPOSE CHICKEN HAS, IS TO FILL MY STOMACH YOU JACKASS!!!  
  
m- fine then jenny, you try to question my philosophy on chicken and bagels, YOU are the one to try the bagel.  
  
Jenny shrugged.  
  
m- it will only prove my point that the bagel or frozen chicken is not good without each other.  
  
j- okay.  
  
Jenny took the bagel and stuffed it in her mouth.  
  
j- OOOH OHH OHHHHH! IT IS SOOO GOOD!!!!  
  
Jenny chewed the bagel tauntingly in front of Morpheus. He rolled his eyes.  
  
m- neither of you are able to complete my mission for you.  
  
e- the mission was chicken and bagels, right?  
  
m- NO!  
  
jenny blindly grabbed some cream cheese and smothered her bagel in it.  
  
Morpheus stalked off, slipping on the coke that jenny spilled earlier.  
  
That concludes the first adventure of Emmy and Jenny. 


	6. The Brick Wall That Transcends Time

I have decided to continue the adventures of Jenny and Emmy. If you would like to read Emmy's versions of these adventures, her pen name is wickedvodka.  
  
I don't own the inuyasha movie, the love that transcends time or any hobos, or La Bares  
  
Chapter 6 The Brick Wall That Transcends Time  
  
Jenny and Emmy are walking out of the Japanafoodmart, and are on the busy sidewalks of Tokyo. They pass by a suspicious dark alley.  
  
E- OHHH!  
  
Emmy stops and runs into the alleyway.  
  
j- wtf are you doing???  
  
Emmy ignores her and runs deeper into the alley.  
  
j- goddammit emmy! Come back!!! Wait! Emmy???  
  
Jenny hesitates and follows.  
  
Jenny finds emmy at the end of the passage, in front of a brick wall.  
  
j- your gonna get jumped by homos. I mean hobos! Hobos, yeah, that's it.  
  
Emmy turns to stare at jenny.  
  
e- this brick wall, this mass of stale raw materials, it has means of access to another place.  
  
j- ::blink:: really?  
  
e- really.  
  
j- how??????  
  
E-The eschew obfuscations makes the ontogeny which recapitulates the phylogeny.  
  
j- yeah! I like cake too!!!  
  
Emmy and jenny here a maniacal laughing behind them. They turn to see what it is.  
  
j- HOBOS!!!  
  
E-HOMOS!!!  
  
Jenny panics, and runs into the mystical brick wall, disappearing into it.  
  
e- what!!! So you leave me here with the homos and hobos??? Oh! I see how it is now!!!  
  
Emmy throws the people running towards her a ticket to La Bares, sandwich, and follows jenny into the brick wall. 


	7. Teen Angst and Broken Bebops

Okay, the characters of Cowboy Bebop will appear in this chapter.  
  
I don't own cowboy bebop or any of the characters or sesshomaru  
  
Chapter 7 Teen Angst and Broken Bebops  
  
After jenny fell threw the wall, she landed in a clearing in the forest. A grungy-looking band was in front of her singing.  
  
j- hmmm. I wonder where Emmy could be. I wonder where I could be.  
  
Band- (yelling) ARRRGGGGGG AHHHHH!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!! I HATE MEEEEE!!!! I HAVE PROBLEMS!!!!! I HATE MY LIFE, SO IM GONNA SING ABOUT IT!!!!! MY SONGS ARE SO HAPPY THEY MAKE ME CRY SO THAT ACTUALLY MAKES MY SONGS DE---- PRESSSSING!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!  
  
j- oh my god. Emmy, I need you, now.  
  
Emmy came falling out of the sky, landing next to jenny.  
  
e- woo! Had to get away from those hobos and homos!!!  
  
She looked up skeptically at the raging band in front of them. Then she looked at jenny, who was clutching her head and in fetal position.  
  
Band- (softly singing) evvvverything is so hard. Evvveryone hates meeeeeee. Inside immmm a messss. I feel so down.  
  
Band- (loudly singing) SOOMMEBODDY SAVE ME!!! I AM SO WASTED!!!! I HATE MYSELF!!!!! KILL MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!  
  
e- we have to get out of here jenny!!! Jenny?  
  
Jenny was looking into the sky. Emmy looked where jenny was gazing.  
  
Up in the sky, there was a dark spot that was becoming larger by the second. The Dark spot resembled a ship.  
  
BOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!  
  
The ship crashed in the clearing, on top of the grunge band, killing the instantly. Jenny cried as soon as the music stopped  
  
j- THANK YOOOUUU!!!  
  
e- yeah, no kidding.  
  
The ship to the door opened and out came Jet, Faye, Ein, and Ed.  
  
f- oh man!!!  
  
jet- my ship!!!  
  
Ed- shippie shippie brokie brokie!!!  
  
e- AHHHHH!!!  
  
Emmy runs up to jet, demanding where Spike is.  
  
Jet- oh.spike is being held captive my some guy named Sesshomaru.a weird one he is.  
  
e- which one?  
  
Jet- oh sesshomaru.  
  
They all here a growling behind them as jenny turns into Diablo Jenny.  
  
j- GIVE ME SPIKE!!!!  
  
Jet pulls out his gun only Faye makes him put it up.  
  
f- put it down jet. They're kids.  
  
e- big kids!!!  
  
f- what?  
  
e- we are big kids!!!  
  
f- heh heh. e- come on jenny. We are going to find Sessy annnd Spike.  
  
Jenny evilly laughs and emmy slips on the blood of the grunge band. 


	8. Oh So Square Trees

Its Jenny here again..i don't have anything to say so..on with the chapter..  
  
I don't own Old Navy Cowboy Bebop or any of the characters!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chapter 8 Oh So Square Trees  
  
j- where do you think spike is???  
  
Emmy looked at her with bloodshot eyes.  
  
j-ermmm...never mind  
  
they continued walking in a dense forest.  
  
e- you know what I dreamed last night???  
  
j- no. what?  
  
e- I dreamed that evvveryone at school switched lockers..and I tripped over a bunch of chairs in my science classroom..  
  
Just as emmy finished her dream, she tripped over some unnecessarily big tree roots.  
  
BOOM!!!!!!  
  
e- owwwww.  
  
j- ahhahahahahahahahha!!! You sure trip a lot!!!  
  
Emmy lay on her back looking towards to top of the tree that she tripped over.  
  
e- I did not know that trees were square..  
  
j- they aren't you stooge.  
  
e- no goddammit!!! Look!  
  
Jenny looked where emmy pointed, which was up, and sure enough, the top of the tree was.square. The tree was taller than anything they had ever seen, and that's not much.  
  
j- looks rectangular to me.  
  
e- square.  
  
j- I wonder whats up there...  
  
e- I bet you anything that there is treasure up there..  
  
j- I hope its food..  
  
Both of their stomachs growl.  
  
j- how are we gonna get up there????  
  
e- what?!?! Who said anything about going up there???  
  
j- I did!!!  
  
e- whatever happened to finding Spike???  
  
Jenny began to climb up the tree.  
  
e- I HATE YOU FOREVER!!!! Hey!!!! Grrrr.  
  
It took 10 minuets until jenny and emmy got to the top of the tree.  
  
j- it looks like a tree house..  
  
Emmy's mouth was wide open.  
  
j- what???  
  
Jenny climbed up on to the wooden platform of the "tree house"  
  
e- its an old navy...  
  
j- well! Lets go in!!!!  
  
e- no! I hate old navy.  
  
j- your wasting time!!! Now, the sooner we get in the old navy, and get out, the sooner we can save Spike!!!  
  
e- if we didn't stop here in the first place, we could save Spike sooner!!! 


	9. Sexy Cardies!

Notin to say h-dogg readers.  
  
Chicken and Bagels.  
  
I don't own Marilyn Manson, The Suicide Club or any of the characters, or old navy  
  
Jenny and emmy stand infront of the old navy store. Jenny walks in and emmy follows.  
  
Elevator music plays  
  
The room starts to spin  
  
Blinding colors  
  
Pink  
  
Blue  
  
Yellow  
  
Orange  
  
Emmy walks over to the cardigan sweater display. She finds two guys looking at them.  
  
e- MARY! GEN! I HAVE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU GUYS!  
  
J- dude, no you haven't  
  
Standing infront of them are Genesis from The Suicide Club and Marilyn Manson. Both are dressed like faggots and are laughing like chicks. They both come up to emmy and jenny and hug them both.  
  
m- OH MY GOD!!!!  
  
g- I like cant believe you're here!!!  
  
j- why are you in an old navy...in a tree?  
  
g- didn't you hear????  
  
e- no  
  
m- SALE!!!! 70% OFF ALL THESE SEXY CARDIS!!!  
  
Genesis puts his hands on his hip and shakes them .  
  
g- yeah girl, like somebody forgot to make sure that the nails are keeping your chair together!  
  
Gen and mary both giggle at each other.  
  
e- you wear cardigans???  
  
j- ewwwwwww!!!!  
  
g- all colors too!!! Blue, pink, and beige looks great on Marilyn!  
  
m- oh be quiet!!!  
  
j- ewwwwwwww!!!!  
  
e- so have you girls, I mean guys, I mean...humans seen a tall guy with a boa and a tall guy in a blue suit???  
  
j- ewwwwwwww!  
  
m- oh my god? Those two sexy guys??  
  
j- ewwwwwwwwww!!!  
  
g- they were JAMMIN!  
  
j-ewwww!  
  
e- which way did they go?????  
  
g- thata way!  
  
j-ewwwwwwwwwwww! 


End file.
